WILL BE THIN

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 23:25:37 GMT

     OK NOW. Homecoming dance was AMAZING. I went to my BESTEST friend Loren's house with my OTHER BESTEST FRIEND Kaity to get ready and we had a blast just being there.   We got into our dresses, did our makeup, and hair and all that stuff. LOREN (who is like anti-girly) WAS IN A DRESS! And we did her hair and she got a daaaate it was awesome. I went stag because I wanted to dance with everyone. Ok so we got dressed up, smiled for the evil camera (I LOOK HUGE IN ALL THE PICTURES), and met up with the guys at the dance. It was really weird at first. Everyone made me the leader of the group and would follow me around. I didn't like making the decisions so I found another group to adopt us. I really started having fun when me and my friend Chrissy got a bunch of people to dance. But, my friends are dumb and didn't want to dance for a long time so we stayed in the lunchroom and just listened to the music, talked, and acted crazy. My friend Evan took my corsage and started eating the petal's so (after concetrating on the plastic table cloth for a long time) I tore a peice off and threw it at him, then he came over and attacked me, then i think Nick or someone spilled water, then I spilled water on Joey, thebn Loren and Ryan were off in there own world and throwing plastic at each other. Other than my brother making fun of me for sitting at "the emo table" the whole thing was awesome. We just all talked, joked around, and flirted in our pretty little dresses and ties. I took Ryan's tie and wore it lol. Me and Ryan flirted a lot. I just told him a few days ago I didn't like him anymore, then I kissed him at the dance. I STILL DON'T LIKE HIM, I JUST WANTED TO KISS HIM. Lol. That could be bad though.
     The dance room was pretty cool too. I GOT MOLESTED! Not really though. Ryan, Nick, Loren, Kaity, Matt, and me went in the dance room one time to look for joey or something, not to dance. Anyways, we were just making fun of all the slutty dancing when Ryan's older brother comes over. (HE IS ADORABLE BTW) He walked up to us and looked at me and Ryan.
Him-You guys should dance or something.
Me-No.
Him-Why?
Me-We're just friends. (i couldn't think of anything)
Him-So? Friends can dance! You were dancing with him a second ago, *points to matt*
Me-I can't dance I'm white.
Him-Will you dance with me?
Me-Uuuh no.
     So he proceeds to start grinding on me whille I'm up against a wall (guess where his hands went. go on, guess!). I joked around a little bit at first but Ryan gave me evil eyes and he didn't stop so I pushed him away. nOW i'M SORT OF AFRAID OF HIM. He's older and from what I hear from ryan he's a perv sooo yeah. Older, over-confident boys scare me.
     I also, taught this really cute guy Joey to dance. Not that I had any idea what i was doinf either. BUT the point is he was sweet and we talked and danced a lot. But we ran out of things to talk about soemtimes. He could be a good friend, maybe even a boyfriend but he likes someone else.

    OK NOW YOU MUST HEAR ABOUT MY LITTLE SCHOOL GIRL CRUSH. I'm in love with a senior. Ok ok HERE I GO. His name is Ryan. Wow, a new Ryan. So yeah, now when I talk about a Ryan, it's the new one. I guess I can label the two as bestfriendRyan and newcrushRyan. ANYWAYS HE IS FABULOUS.   Except, ther are a few issues preventing my ever having a chance with him.    UGH which I will write about LATER. And more about him. g2g to lorens house

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 22:55:55 GMT

I made a myspace! Anybody want to share I will probably add you, but no I'm not a myspace whore lol. I only add people I know/like and that includes you if you're my LJ friend!

Anyways, the URL is www.myspace.com/cuexfakexsmile Plear I totally stole that from you sorry!! Please don't stab me 50 times because of my lack of creativity and total rip-offness. Again sorry sorry sorry!!!

I hate my myspace. Everyone's is so much better than mine. I look like a pathetic little girl with no special talents or any kind of creativity. Blah...

Mmmmk today I had about 1,000 calories. That's a total estimate. I haven’t been counting lately. I've just been walking around, barely living, continuously dreading the next meal. I keep telling myself I won't eat at lunch, or when I get home, but when I get home or to lunch, it's like that girl that was so determined gets smothered with a fluffy pillow. I suck. I am not doing anything! I WANT TO BE SPECTACULAR! I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD! I WANT TO BE SOMEONE! I WANT TO BE SOMEONE TO YOU! I WANT TO MAKE YOUR HEARTS JUMP, SKIP, AND SWIRL!

I feel like I have no purpose. People forget about me once someone better comes along.

I have to do a stupid english project and my stupid back stupid hurts. I want to cry. I can't I'm at the library. At the library, until 9:00, whimpering quietly, and blogging. See what a loser I am?

Don't give me any comments to try to make me feel better. I just want your myspace so I can add you.

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 18:57:15 GMT

( \   / )    < Copy bunny into your LJ

(o.O)               and help him acheive

( > < )                     world domination!!!

       ~~This journal~~

                      IS NOW

FRIENDS ONLY!

Just comment me and I'll add you.

Back from vacation and it shows...

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 23:51:50 GMT

Ok I ended up staying an extra week at my grandmothers. I ate like a pig down there. It started with the nine hour drive down. I had learned in health class that your body does not accept meat and other fats into your own fat. That's the reasoning behind low carb diets. Anyway, my dad drove me down and if I got hungry we would just eat like gas station food. So I only ate meat that day (steak at waffle house, beef jerkey, slim jims) and within 36 hours (i know this sounds gross but) the food had left my system. Then at my grandmothers she built my appetite up by making me eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. At first I would have very little on my plate and spread it out to make it look like more. But after a while my body started wanting more food and I failed to enter ketosis~

Fasting and Ketone Bodies

After the third day of a fast, the body begins to make ketone bodies in the liver (Enters ketosis). In the absence of food (Energy), Ketone bodies are produced by the body as an alternate energy source. Normally, ketone levels in the blood are less than 0.2mm. After several days of fasting they approach 3.0mm, and steadily rise thereafter. Importantly, never eat, even an extremely amount of food during a fast. This will quickly shift the body out of ketosis, back to its normal metabolism of glucose (food), decreasing ketone bodies, decreasing growth hormone and increasing hunger.

I got this info from www.fading-obsession.com, a site that helps me when I'm craving.

~and my hunger pains made me eat more and more. The last few days I faked being sick to cut back on what I was eating but ugh I feel so disgustingly bulbous. I checked the scale and it says 140 again! Ugh I feel so gross. Today I had Chinese and tonight I plan on not eating the rest of the day. I feel like such a failure. I'm running out of time to lose weight before people see me at school. I'm starting a water fast tommorow and I plan on making it last 14 days...maybe longer if I can stand it.

*WILL BE THIN*

Back from vacation and it shows...

WILL BE THIN